One in Four People


One in four people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives. Around 450 million people currently suffer from such conditions, placing mental disorders among the leading causes of ill-health and disability worldwide. – World Health Organization

This is how massive the number affected by mental illness is but I cannot really see today that people with mental disorders are trying to reach out for help. They become scared of the illness themselves and reaching out maybe a sign of weakness to them.

My idea is to reach out to bloggers who have mental illness and make a community so everyone in it will be understood and helped out. I want my voice to be heard to inspire others to reach out for help. Having mental illness is tough as it is but there are others who are willing to listen and communicate with us if only we will just ask for help.



Just Do It

It doesnt really matter how
Just do it
Do it scared
Do it lazy
Somehow in the middle of the process, you’ll discover something amazing that may change you.
May change how you think. May change how you feel about the present. May fulfill the emptiness inside of you. May connect you to the world again.

So do it.





From Google, anxiety is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying. These disorders affect how we feel and behave and can cause physical symptoms.

For me, anxiety is my non stop thinking and worrying about my future up until I don`t want to get out of bed and don`t have the energy to face the world.  I also experience thinking too much about my driving route to work because its my first time to get to that place that it made me awake all night. I`m obsessed of thinking and worrying that I want that event to be over and done with. It`s insane and stupid but I cannot stop myself from doing it.

I took Seniran, an anti-anxiety pill to stop me from thinking like that but I don`t know if its working. What worked for me was I remember telling myself to just face the world and what will happen will just happen. And since I have trouble sleeping at night because of anxiety, someone gave me the idea to just relax and not force myself to sleep and really this made me snore.

These ideas are self-discovery and I hope I get to help people who are suffering from the same thing that I had.




Hack your Major Depressive Disorder


When you’re depressed, you’re not interested in anything and you just want to lie in bed all day thinking and thinking until you thought of killing yourself. Stop that! And based on experience, you dont want to listen to any advice but still you have to really LISTEN before depression ruins your life.

What do I know about depression? I have been from what can I say a Major Depressive Disorder after I had my Schizophrenia Episodes. This depressive times made me lay in bed all day just thinking. It made me stop working. It made me a zombie. Just waking up and eat and sleep again. Its those times that made me want to kill myself. I have been in a rut myself and I just got out of it but sometimes it haunts me and made me want to go back in bed just when life is getting really good on me.

The morning sickness really had me. This made me stop work. The thought of working, not wanting to do the work in the morning made me dont want to get up. Getting up in the morning is really hard when your mentality is fixed on questions like why do I want to survive? What I do is answer it and find really good answers to those questions. Like I want to survive because I dont want to go back to being a wakeeatsleep zombie nothing. This answer made me get up in the morning.

Having a depression is really hard and its all in the head. You battle your own self and tricking it so you can go and battle the world. Its like everything around you is going to challenge you but your survival energy is at its lowest.

What did I do to battle all this?

*Ask help from family. I know this may sting, but financially you are not capable because of your depressive state. Families are not all the same but I doubt they will leave you with your condition.

*Work. As hard as it may sound, you need a job to give meaning to life and pay the bills.

*After work, watch TV shows. I know this may sound boring but this saved my life from not going to bed and think.

*Search on groups in Facebook that may arouse your interest. In my case, Meet and Make Japanese friends and Japanese Language Exchange. So your newsfeed will be covered with things that interest you.

*Post on facebook. Friends and family may see it and they may comment and you may not notice but youre actually reaching out to them and you will feel good.

*Coffee. I dont really know but coffee gives me energy.

*Count your blessings. It is not fair that you always complain about life when you have family, work and things that you need. Always thank God for everything and miracles will happen.

I am experimenting on my own. I dont have a therapist or a psychiatrist to help me get through this. I just read books about depression and everything that interests me. My suggestions may or may not help you but these are the factors that helped me.

Trying to move forward

I always struggle with anxiety and depression after my psychosis. It crippled me. I just had a nice job and suddenly I dont want to go to work. I am annoyed with myself. I had a conversation with myself earlier. That if I had not known I had schizophrenia, I will still be the same old me. I just got really depressed because I regretted my decisions when I had psychosis. So I told myself to move forward and be the same old me, the positive, hardworking person version of myself. I also have to set short-term goals for myself so I have the reason to stay on my job and not be absent everytime I’m anxious. Trying to move forward is hard because it takes effort to do so. I just have to think of the rewards my job will give me instead of the effort I have to do for it.


I really want to ask Japanese people on how to end this isolated feeling I always feel in their country. I only felt happy once here because I had a lovelife. But when my love of life is working, whats left of me? I have a mundane job and it really made me sick to my stomach. I want to learn Japanese but its so expensive. When will the struggle end here in Japan? I want to stop being lonely here. I have family and friends but they are busy struggling for their life. I want to see a psychiatrist here but the language barrier here is so great. I just want to get out of this country but poverty in my own country is bad as hell. I have lived in this country for years now. I survived. But then I had the mental illness. It had given me problems. Problems coping with my job. I always quit. Factories have a harsh working environment where I always feel bad about myself. And to someone with depression, this is really a hard thing to cope up with. I hope a psychiatrist can read this and help me cope up

Depression taught me…

There are many things that depression taught me. It made me realize what and who I really needed. The questions “what for” were answered during my darkest days. I realize that I only need my partner and work to be happy. I was also so demotivated when I had depression. The answer to my “why work?” question is I have to work because I might as well be dead without it. Why? Because work is bread and butter and in reality, money gives meaning to life. It pays the bills and it gives you comfort in life. Without it, you’ll have debts and anxiety. Work here in Japan is rough and tough for foreigners. One of the reasons also why Im demotivated. My partner had been providing for basic needs but I see the difference on our lifestyle with and without my depression. The latter is more impressive.  I passed a very good job offer as well because of my depression. And I regret that decision. My mentality had been very different with depression. Everything is without hope. Everthing is dark. And everyday in the morning I regret to wake up. And I always ask myself “what for?”. I now have the great answer to this question and the answer is really simple, but it doesnt have an impact on me when I was depressed. I have to work because life is all about love and work. I should revolve around work and love everyday. “I am nothing without love and work”. And this rings true to my very core. I feel like I can bear suffering from this answer. Everytime I get dissappointed or upset in the workplace, I will just remember this answer. Everytime I am about to give up, I have to say to myself “I am nothing, without work and love”. This answer is true to me because I had an empty life during my depression. I need this answer to motivate me. I can change my life because of my new mentality and it gave me the chills just thinking about it because I feel like success is looming over. I am so excited and I am very happy about my new mentality because a healthy mentality is the very core of a healthy and happy life.

I nearly end it

Before I read the book, The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck, I was anxious. I’m jobless and I don’t want where I’m at right now. So I drank many sleeping pills. My partner, whose very concerned, never left my side in the process. I’m confined in the hospital for less than a week. It’s heartbreaking for my immediate family to see me like that. But I am unemotional about it. I felt really empty after. I don’t feel good and I am silent after recovery. My partner dont have a choice but to work but she told me that she was heartbroken on what Ive done. I felt bad about it too but I chose to do it because I felt empty. I felt like I have to live to exist. Not to live my life. I dont know but I just have to try again. Live again. Maybe life will be thoughtful to me this time. One day, as I was searching for books and my keywords are not to care, I came across the searched result of The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck and it made me change some of my perspectives in life. I nearly end my life because I felt like I’m a loser. I’m depressed after I got sick and being jobless made it worst. For someone whose not living in his own country, you will feel very isolated. The one thing that made me go on is my partner and my family. But when youre alone, jobless and all, sometimes you just only see yourself and your failures. Maybe the reason why I want to stop life. But then The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck changed my mental state. It taught me a lot of things. To be happy with what I have and be patient. For there are times when you feel like a loser but you have to be ok with it because there will always be a shot of things you want in time.

The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck

I am currently reading this book for self-help by Mark Manson since I had a very traumatic experience with my psychosis. It really helped me rewire my brain as to why I need to suffer. It helped me answer the questions, what for? It helped me through my moments where I feel lonely and demotivated. Just a few read from his books, I get to feel ok. Its like a drug you depend to when you’re depressed. Good thing it is a book. Download HERE. Password is iloveboox.

Depression is sadness zoomed in

I just realized that when you dwell in your loneliness, you will just get depressed . For days. I wired my brain to think about my blessings and my sadness fades away. Its just a matter of how you think. I have many things to thank for nowadays. I have my partner and her job which is our bread and butter. I have many work options in the place I live in. I am just waiting for myself to be ready to work again. Its just patience and prayer that keeps me going. Thank God for the positive outcome of life. Everything gets better.