As mentioned here in the blog, God is my life saver. But my rationalization is on the roll again.
I am also a lesbian. Giving up my loved one for my faith is hard for me. The sermons I heard from my mentor to be uncommon left me puzzled.
To be uncommon means to not fit into society’s mold. If everyone’s lazy or half-hearted in their jobs, be uncommon or do your 100% in it. I like this part. But to be uncommon also means to have 100% faith in God and stop doing things that he opposes. This means “stop being a homo” for me.
I believe in God. But I love my partner. And things are getting complicated while Im getting to know God. Doubts arises. Its like my mind is racing what to do first. Should I break up with my partner to favor God? What if I am not going to do what God wanted? Will He not give me hope in the future when I become depressed again? These questions terrifies me. God is my answer to my depression. Every time I feel down and lonely I just listen to my mentor’s sermon and I feel good afterwards. So I panic when I cant do what He want.
But I calmed and came to a conclusion. I will just do what my heart wanted in the meantime. The right time will come for everything. So I will just wait for the right time and not rush on decisions just because my mentor told me to have a firm faith in God.
The Whisper 